summer wrap-up

as much as i hate to say it, summer is over. the eighty-degree days have departed, and now we have 50 & 60 degree days, 70 if we are lucky. the windows are open, allowing crisp and refreshing air to blow through the house. the sun still shines and the trees are still hanging on to hues of green, just barely showing signs of yellow - but we know soon they will be bare, shutting down for the winter.

fall is a shaky season for me. the crisp air makes me nostalgic for childhood moments spent wandering in the apple orchards, eating cider donuts in the car, and doing homework by the open window next to my mom. this air will forever be tied to those memories. i also have a hard time letting go of the warm weather and everything that comes with it: sweaty bike rides to the lake, swimming in bone-chilling water but knowing the heat is waiting, feeling the hot breeze against my bare arms and legs. summer is when i feel most like myself, and i feel a dread come over me when i think about the frigid winter conditions i know will settle over us all too soon. at the same time, i am able to let go of that "summer guilt." finally i can have a day at home without feeling guilty for not spending enough time outside, that i am somehow taking summer for granted if i take a minute to slow down and be at home. the accelerated pace of summer is balanced by the slow pace of winter, of course, but i'll miss the warmth and sun more than anything.

as i mentioned in my winter wrap-up post from april, last winter was spent doing a lot of deep personal work. summer was our time to manifest what we discovered in the winter - and we did. we got engaged, and alex started his own business - some first, big steps on our path to our dreams. we also will soon be launching another project we are starting, while trying to balance wedding planning and more. summer certainly doesn't dive right into winter, and i am interested to see if fall brings any lingering action before we prepare for the quiet peace of winter.

because i feel like i spend all winter thinking about summer, i want to take a moment to acknowledge what i am looking forward to this winter season. i look forward to picking up the diy house projects that we abandoned as the sun drew us outside. i look forward to bringing more people into our cozy space for bowls of warm home-cooked food and mulled wine and deep talks. i'm excited for rest, and snuggles with little lu. i'm excited to watch the snow fall over cups of coffee sipped slowly on the couch. to savor the moments because they last longer, instead of trying to grasp what we understand is so fleeting.

i'm going to try and understand how to not only cope with this season, but also how to enjoy it. last winter was the happiest winter of my life, and i hope to build on that this year. seasons force you to accept that only change is a constant. they force you to attempt to understand yourself, because it's only by understanding yourself that you can figure out what each season means for you. ultimately, they force you into awareness. if it was always 75 and sunny, after a while you'd ignore the outdoors all together. you'd forget that weather can change, and you'd forget how to cope with change of any kind - meteorological or otherwise.

i'm looking forward to discovering more of myself over this next winter. however, i know that our manifesting won't be exclusively a summer commitment. we have to keep the momentum going, even if it slows a bit. i am hoping that it will even be slightly easier to make progress because we won't be tempted with that sweaty bike ride to the lake, or any other tantalizing summer activities. maybe this winter will be our truest season of action - us putting our heads down, and making some serious moves. i'm not sure. maybe it will be both. but i'm glad it's up in the air, and i know that either way, big progress will happen.