the dichotomy of unconditional support

i just finished listening to the power of owning your story, an episode of the rich roll podcast. if you haven’t either listened to rich’s story on other podcasts or listened to his own, his story is an incredible example of stepping into one’s potential and truly owning one’s future. he completely transformed as a person and became exactly who he was meant to be. the story of rich’s transformation wouldn’t be complete without his wife, julie, and her unconditional support of his goals as they hit financial rock bottom. in this podcast episode, julie discusses what it took for her to allow rich the space and time he needed to step into his power. and really, i think this is what it comes down to. if you love someone, you must do whatever it takes to allow them to become the fullest and best expression of themselves. julie’s best advice in this episode is “you must do what you love. you must.” this means that in a single relationship there are two journeys to nurture and support, and I am fascinated by the interplay of simultaneously walking your own path while supporting your partner’s walking of their path. alex is currently transitioning out of his full-time job to work exclusively on his own business. i am so excited for and proud of him for making the leap. unlike julie and rich, i’m not concerned about the money side of things. in fact, i’m thrilled. i am sure there will be challenging times ahead, but overall i think alex has more financial potential now than ever. of course he has a lot to learn about saving for taxes, paying for insurance, and all the other unglamorous logistics that come with self-employment, but he is so much more self-driven and disciplined than he has ever been. and i have full faith that he will be living out his current potential and paving the way for our future and for our dreams (hopefully i’m not scaring him by saying that). but somehow, julie knew that if rich did what he loved and trained for ultra marathons and continued his journey of eating plant-based, things would manifest and come together to support them. the crazy, unbelievable thing is that actually happened. my goal for us both is to learn how to tap into this power. if rich and julie can do it amidst having four kids, multiple cars, and a house, what’s stopping us? what i feel is stopping us is the ability to hold space for both people’s dreams. the ability to say i will support you and you will support me, without taking away from each other. without putting pressure on one another. without feeling guilty. right now, my long-term dreams are all outside of the city - but alex has to operate within the city both in his work and mental space as he steps into this dream of self-employment. and i can understand that it’s hard for him to imagine leaving a place where the potential is only just starting. but the desire to leave is my path - my dream. this also begs the question of timelines - clearly, leaving the city altogether is more of a distant dream than the near reality of alex’s freelance business, given that his last day of work is a mere week away. so there is this tug of war, a push and pull, and taking while expecting to be given something that might not be able to be given in this moment. one potential solve for this is to take turns. but with taking turns comes patience, waiting, and a necessary acknowledgement of a certain lingering unhappiness. this is another concept that julie talks about. she says that they had to truly suffer in order to do the best work they could do, in order for them to serve others in the most effective way possible. we all try to avoid suffering at all costs. but in actuality, suffering can only really be overcome if it is embraced. you must stay determined to break through it instead of allowing it to break you down. and it’s okay to acknowledge that it is hard as hell. julie says that life isn’t about ease, and i think we do often forget that because ease is what we seek at any moment. since we are just starting to embark on this journey of action, after a winter of sitting on our hopes, i don’t have any answers as to how this will pan out. i do think that it will require a lot of check-ins and a fair amount of apologies and hugs. we are slowly starting to understand the logistics of how our future will unfold. but i have to keep reminding myself that i am here now. i have to continue to acknowledge the sweet, simple, joy-filled moments that i do experience. because while i know that increased happiness lies ahead of me, i can’t just wait for some undetermined amount of time while i dwell in the mediocre middle. it’s taken me a few weeks to write this post because this topic carries a lot to unpack, and i learn more every day. i realized today that i am actually incredibly grateful that alex is making the leap because it gives me hope. it proves that we are actively working toward our goal as opposed to just wishing for it. it’s a risk, but a risk i know will reap unimagined benefits. and this is step one. where we are right now. and that makes me feel better about waiting patiently in my middle, as i get to absorb the joy he feels in his journey.