our story starts here | part iii

i wrote the first two posts for alex and i to look back on fondly and remember our incredible week together. but i wanted to make a third post to talk about how this next step - the "official" start of our journey together - has changed our relationship with one another.

when i thought about getting engaged (before it actually happened), i never would have thought much would shift. and realistically, not much has. but the inner workings of the way alex and i relate to one another have shifted slightly - perhaps about 10%. our relationship does feel a bit more serious now. our commitment is made real by the physical object i now have the joy and privilege of wearing every day. alex said it best our second night back in chicago on monday: "i know this may sound awful but i think i'm nicer to you now." and i can say that first of all, that is definitely true. but second of all, i think i'm nicer too! we are both more considerate and patient with each other than we were before, and i didn't know that was even possible. i heard something on a podcast about choices. the person on the show was actually happier and more in love once he married his partner, because the choice was finalized and there was no more thinking about alternatives. this made him 100% committed to being happy and making the most out of the choice he had made. this definitely resonates, because while clearly we've been choosing each other for quite some time now (we are coming up on our fourth year living together), being together forever is now an unequivocal choice that we have made. the gravity of a wedding in our future, and all the rest to come that we are now able to concretely discuss versus abstractly hint at definitely makes the celebratory nature of engagement a bit more sobering. we've pretty consistently analyzed societal norms - what success means, what love means, and what happiness means. we can only hope to continue to build upon these deep dives into conscious, intentional living as we embrace the big milestones to come.

one of the fascinating things about engagement is that it feels like this big beginning. and in a way, it certainly is. but i also don't want to say "oh this is the start of our official relationship!" because that negates the real, hard work we've done in the last five years to get us ready to take this step. i've always known i would marry alex (still so weird), but had he proposed to me three years ago i certainly would have said no. not because i didn't want to ultimately be with him, but because we just weren't ready. and with out a doubt, over the past year, we've done a lot of work both on ourselves and on our relationship to prepare for this moment. our preface has ended, and our real chapter one begins. alex made a great diagram of the evolution of our relationship that same night he said he was nicer to me. if you imagine a venn diagram, the two circles (one being me and one being alex) started out completely separate, not touching at all. over the past five years, those circles have continued to overlap until only a little space on the outside remains, but 85% of each circle is in the middle. our joint goals are what makes our relationship so strong. certainly this situation is different for every couple, and some couples may work best when their circles overlap very little, but i can definitely identify strong couple role models of ours whose circles are almost entirely intertwined. having these joint goals - both from a business perspective and from a personal perspective - is really empowering. alex is the person that most inspires me, excites me, challenges me, and wholeheartedly supports me - why wouldn't i want to be around that all the time?

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this engagement week trip also gave me a deep sense of peace, and a reminder of what truly matters in life. being in nature and being with family both bring me such a sense of presence, joy, and calm. i felt so much more myself than i've felt in a very long time. when i saw my parents for the first time, they wanted to see the ring and congratulated and hugged me, but the first question out of their mouths was "so did you like camping?!" and the answer is a wholehearted yes. i was shocked at how much i loved camping. and not staying in the yurt - although that was fun. i loved being in the wild of the untamed outdoors, close enough to the water to fall asleep to the waves. i loved smelling the fire, and cooking over it. i loved washing my dishes in the lake. i loved the simplicity and ease of it all. how a few basic tasks require steadfastness, time, and focus. i certainly didn't sleep as well as i would have in a plush hotel bed, but the beauty of the wilderness and the relaxation i felt deep in my bones made up for it. that sense of tranquility and grounding is something i never knew i could feel or never thought i would need, and i will chase from this time forward.

this is something that has truly continued to wow me throughout these past five years: alex always encourages me to try something new, and i've never tried something and hated it (besides fried caterpillars, but that's a story for another post). in fact, i take these new experiences and learn and evolve and grow into a new version. both of us are constantly becoming, and i hope this never ends. we have each been so many different versions of ourselves throughout the past five years, and the fact that we've been able to grow closer together and become more united as opposed to growing further apart is truly a blessing, and a sure sign that we are meant to be a force - that we are better together than we are apart. i have full faith in this, and i can't wait to embark on the rest of our lives together.