you’re my a-team

tonight i saw bon iver without alex.

for those of you that have kept up with us, you’ll remember that we saw the for emma 10 year anniversary show in milwaukee in february. it was a great show but they didn’t play any of their new album, 22 a million, which alex and i have been dying to see them play. we thought they would play it at the eaux claires festival and they didn’t, so needless to say it’s been a highly anticipated, necessary show to see.

alex wrote about what bon iver has meant to him after we saw the show in february. now i think it’s my turn.

i only informally listened to their music not long before alex and i started dating. I knew skinny love and holocene, but didn’t really get it. once alex and I started dating, he played a lot of their music when we would spend time together in our apartments. bon iver, bon iver was the album of the first few months we spent together. because of the memories we made, i formed a connection with that music that was different than anything i had previously experienced.

when 22, a million came out, i didn’t immediately connect to it - and i know i wasn’t the only one. but alex and i spent a lot of time intentionally listening to it, trying to understand it and feel it, and making memories with it like we had the other albums. over months, my connection with that album grew on a spiritual level. the album is simultaneously primal and cerebral, ethereal and rooted deep in the earth. it makes me feel things that no other music has ever evoked. songs i have now listened to hundreds of times still give me chills.

to see this show without alex, the reason that i am so deeply connected to this music that resonates deep within my soul, was a painful and powerful experience. i have truly never been so happy and so filled with grief and longing at the same time. i cried to hear these songs that i have so long awaited, without him next to me holding my hand and crying with me.

i am so grateful that i could hear my soul’s music played tonight. my only solace is to hope that one day, when the time really is right, the music of this formative album will be able to wash over alex like it did me tonight - and that I will be standing beside him.

to the one that is my a-team - thank you for all you teach me and give me, even when you are so far across this earth. i pray that i can repay you for this experience that you gave me tonight. you grace me with so much magic. i love you.