ease in chaos

as i write this, alex is in the sky, flying to south korea for work. it is certainly the most miles we've ever put between us, and it will be the longest we've been apart since christmastime. he will be gone for eight days. he won't have data on his cell phone, and there is a 13-hour time difference so i'm not sure how often we'll be able to talk. the only thing getting me through this next week is knowing that four days after he gets home, we get to go on a camping retreat to my favorite place: door county. more on that later.

for this past weekend, memorial day weekend, we visited alex's family in michigan. we spent the majority of the weekend either at their house or at the beach, and we wouldn't have wanted it any other way. on sunday it was just warm enough to get in the water, and every single one of us made the dive. i didn't grow up going to the beach, and i love going to the beach with the donnelly's because they know exactly how to do it right. jane packs a plethora of snacks, towels, umbrellas, and backpack chairs. everyone brings a book, but rarely have i seen anyone pick up theirs and read it. the water is much for fun to watch. alex has a lot more people in his family than i have in mine, and all of his people are fully aware of the organized chaos in which they live daily. it's something fun and different that i never got to experience growing up, and even though sometimes it can be challenging for me to keep up i still find it fun and exciting.

on saturday night, i had the pleasure and honor of cooking dinner for the entire family. alex and i made black bean burgers and a salad with roasted cauliflower, grapes, and lentils. it was the first time i had cooked for his family, and it was so special. as i have said here before, when i cook i feel useful. cooking good food is my way of contributing to a meaningful experience with people i love, and to be able to do that for his family was incredible.

on monday morning, before we left, i joined jane, alex’s mom, for her yoga class. she is a wonderful teacher and i always hope that she will be offering a class while we are in town. her intention for class was about helping us find ease and simplicity - the feelings we often feel when we are gathered together with those we love. she encouraged us to find this feeling, even when we were challenged or overwhelmed.

it is this idea, of finding ease in chaos, that i will continue to return to as i navigate the week by myself. this time in particular, i left feeling really grounded in what’s important. this weekend gave us space. space to do very little other than enjoy nature and each other’s company, and eat good food and drink a lot of coffee. to laugh, and tell stories. we all got quality time together, and took it and acknowledged it and savored it. we hardly touched our phones, and didn’t care to know what time it was. we were completely there for one another, with only love to give and receive.

when we got home, we noticed how disconnected we felt from our lives. in a way, it’s a beautiful feeling because i was reminded this weekend of the importance of non-attachment. things will flow whether we want them to or not. i tried to remind myself of this as i held on to alex one last time before he left the house this morning. how do we find that ease even when things aren’t going how we want them to? how do we surrender to that experience and make the most out of it, instead of fighting it like we so badly want to? i definitely have no idea, but i’ll be exploring it a lot over the next week.