my first roll: march 2015-october 2017
- h
- Mar 23, 2018
- 2 min read
it was only since starting to date alex in 2013 that i really explored shooting photos of any kind. growing up, i watched my mom take photos of bugs and flowers, and watched my dad take family photos and videos, but never really knew how to shoot a good photo - and never really cared. alex got me to care. he made me understand how being able to capture moments of your life in an artful and beautiful way enhances your experience in the moment, and helps make better memories. on our walls in our home hang only photos that we have taken. what an amazing experience it is to be able to live in and amongst moments both grandiose and mundane, but beautiful just the same. it is to be constantly reminded of what our relationship means to us, and of the magical moments we've shared together.
in 2015, alex got me a canon film camera. i remember holding it in my hand, thinking that i wasn't ready. that my lens - as in my perspective -wasn't worth the privilege of film photos. i remember thinking i would ruin every photo i tried to take. because it wasn't on a screen. i couldn't play it back. look at it. make sure it was good enough. i didn't understand how to check the light, how to focus the lens. i hadn't shot one photo but was immediately terrified of getting that first roll back - how disappointed we both would be. spending money on a camera and film felt like a lot for two college kids with no money, and i didn't want to let alex down. but i wanted to learn. i let him show me how to use it.
i shot that same roll for two and a half years. i kept forgetting that i even had it, which is truly sad to be honest. but, i think that subconsciously, i was still scared. i still feared that my photos would be blurry, or overexposed, and that i would feel like a failure. but today, alex showed me my roll and i am so proud of it. it reminded me of moments, memories, and places that i had forgotten all about. there's a magical color and haze to all of them that make these distant times feel almost dreamlike. i am happy to report that very few of the photos are blurry or overexposed. i honestly can't believe that i took those photos. i treat that film camera with such reverence because for me, those photos are a commitment. and i plan to keep doing that.
i promise, little camera, that i won't ever again forget your existence or neglect to bring you with, on adventures both big and small. and thank you to alex, for always showing me that i am so much more than i see myself to be.
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