fill up our cup: vol. ii, entry four

h: this whole week has been about working our butts off to get to friday, because tomorrow we see bon iver in milwaukee. but more about that later. 

this week overall, for me at least, has felt pretty hectic and stressful. so coming home and unwinding by having dinner and watching a show has been even more crucial than it normally is, despite that i have been way more exhausted than usual. i made one meal this week - requested by alex - that made me really happy. we made from scratch roasted red pepper and tomato soup, and some really nice grilled cheese sandwiches with provolone, apple smoked mozzerella, and prosciutto. we had a nice bottle of red wine with it, and laughed through a few episodes of comedians in cars getting coffee, and just for a little while i was comforted in all ways. 

a: I don’t think we really anticipated leaving this weekend. everything felt a bit rushed and like we were playing catch up all week to make sure we had everything ready before we left. despite this, I’ve felt a resounding sense of calm this week, an unfamiliar calm, a tranquility almost. as if a veil of anxiety, unaware to me, had been lifted. maybe it’s the first few glimmers of spring showing. or maybe it’s the deeper appreciation I’ve come to have for the process and failure within that process. (I mostly attribute it to my mediation practice) I feel much less motivated by goals and more compelled to say fuck it and just try something. less planning, more doing. more action, less reaction. to test reality more in terms of my own action, interest and experimentation, less on authority, prejudgment or perception my own or other.