reflections on the holiday season, thus far

holidays are an interesting experience and time for reflection, especially as young adults. we aren’t kids, and yet we aren’t yet fully grown with babes of our own. it leaves us in this interesting middle space that can feel at times empty – like a shell of holidays that once felt so magical. i encountered this feeling in a particularly jarring way during the holiday season of 2016, but it’s a theme that i think is really relatable. often as families age, they aren’t gathering together as big groups anymore because everyone has more responsibilities and differing obligations. the feelings, sentiments, and traditions that once defined our gatherings suddenly feel a little phony and disingenuous.

when i look at everyone’s social media posts, people are posting photos of family, food, and their full home or beautifully set table. while i am sure this is true and genuine, and i don’t for a minute take for granted time to gather with either my family or alex’s, i have to wonder if anyone else can relate to this disconnectedness we young adults feel between how remember holidays feeling, and how they have come to feel in more recent years. they never seem to be quite what we want them to be.

last christmas, i joined my parents on a visit to my dad’s family in scottsdale, az. it was the first time we had not spent christmas at my childhood home in probably 15 years. we were also in arizona for that christmas, too. last year my parents bought a fake christmas tree for the first time, and i remember when we returned home on christmas eve night i felt a distinct sadness. for the first time my parents and i were alone – my brother didn’t join us, and we had no family friends staying with us as we usually do. i had to return back to the city on christmas night because i worked the day after christmas, and i just remember thinking that this was not how christmas was meant to be spent. we did many of the same things we normally did, but it felt so different without the house full of people, the smell of a real christmas tree, and the messiness of the kitchen that comes from feeding six or more people.

i remember calling alex during the holiday and talking to him about how distressed i was that everything was different. he asked me one question: are you with the people you love? i said well yes, of course. and he said: then that’s all that matters. lower your expectations. you’re not a kid anymore. and even though i remember that this upset me a little at the time, i came to realize that he was totally right. i didn’t need everything to be exactly as it was when i was five for me to enjoy the holiday and savor my time with my family. and if i spent the whole time being upset, or wishing i had more time, then i would miss the time and special moments that i was being given.

this thanksgiving, alex and i celebrated at his aunt’s house just on the michigan / indiana border. we traveled there the day prior, and came back thanksgiving evening (again, because i had to work the next day). it was quick, but we both took time to enjoy the day for ourselves as well as make sure we got quality time in with everyone – even though it was such a brief day for everyone to be together. below is a little photo journal of the moments we were able to capture.