the love affair of content & fear

we just posted this video called we got matching tattoos! and i'm very conflicted about it. for those that don't know, i make videos for a living. feature films, commercials, television, more or less, i've done it all. a large part of my identity has been embedded in making video content for as long as i've had a video camera. and before that, days of tape based filmmaking, i was borrowing cameras from friends, making movies until the sun went down and summers came and went. the largest movitating force behind my childhood ambition was the birth of social content, particularly the start of content creators within the YouTube sphere. i'd spend afternoons and nights absorbing every personality and creator i could, creating within me this constant source of movement - a one-track mind towards a one-track goal, being a creator. now, i'm 25 and i'm making things all of the time and i'm getting paid for it. but the one thing i haven't done is fulfilled that childhood dream, and now with moonsenmasse as an outlet i'm making that 'disposable video content' for lack of a better term: meaning quick turn arounds and fast cuts; vlogs, weekly videos, home videos, etc. so what's the worry? where's the fear? well, it's that classic conundrum, my taste doesn't match what i'm making. i dig our content, but it's not what i want it to be yet. and to be a professional filmmaker, it's very bizarre feeling knowing i can't do this right out of the gate. this genre of content is like re-learning a language that i speak fluently, but it's an entirely different dialect, the slang is different, the common phrase aren't the same. everything is different & somehow the same. i'm finally doing it regularly and i feel weird about it. it often feels like I'm doing a shitty job, when compared to my work for brands & such. all the while, knowing in the back of my head, it doesn't have to be perfect and that with this genre, done is better than perfect. for now, i feel like I'm in between a rock & a hard place. I'll report back in 10 videos or so on how or if that feeling has changed at all. until then, I think that'll just have to be enough.